10-10-10 Dasvidaniya

This day I aim to make a confession, I was enormously in love with her and my verses could never expound my feelings. But my body did react to each and every drift she made. I am sorry I haven’t told anyone of you about my clandestine affair. I am sure few of you would have read my verses of devotion http://nikholic-psyche.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-feel-like-man_19.html  for her. But today on this auspicious day of 10-10-10 there is confession I wish to do. I want to take up a vidhan (in Marathi this is known as a promise). A vidhan on 10-10-10 is I shall forgive and forget her forever. Few parting words for her.


You stood by me

For all the pain

And I had nothing to gain

You made me insane

With you addiction in vain

Today I say I shall be away

With the happiness I want to sway

Forvever keep you at bay.

Bye bye is all I want to say

Dasvidhaniya Dasvidhaniya Dasvidhaniya. ……

10-10-10

All alone as I came

All alone as I came,
On the verge of making clone
A clone so chirpy, a clone so morbid
A emotion so vital an emotion so fatal
Forgive and forget is that can't happen,
Can't impute the rationalizing psyche,
Future in the womb, trapped and expecting.
Celestial happiness is only with the thoughts.
Die or do, live or let live.
Just be sane that u act the way you are supposed to act,
Cause if you don't, u are wrong rationalizing outcast.
Even after year of human civilization to accompany.
All alone as I came.

The Rain

That's the view from my house in Mumbai. Isn't it lovely and all the more breath taking in the rains. All thanks to my Mom & Dad its only because of them I could afford to be in the midst of such an heaven. Love you both.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Bondage.....to........Orgasm

Why does society bind us in the most complicated trap and expects us to be happy about it. I think the society has its own way of making you strong. A person learns so many things, to love, to care to do so many things. Even if one doesn’t desire to do so. I think a situation teaches us the very same thing to behave and act in the sane mind in the most insane situation. The only thing that helps you sail through is that you’re the most important person in his or her life. The moment this charm losses it is the ending of a relationship. Feeling important and to be made felt important is the most vital thing, basis which a human being and a relationship survives. People who disown the importance are of no more importance to the society. It’s an insane truth. It’s like a bondage you have to bear the pain to experience the orgasm

And then he took out his gun, aimed at her head.....

It was horrifying to note that Shweta will win over him. He was almost shattered by this thought, and the same acted as a fuel to put her down to prove his victory. All this while he had noticed what had gone wrong, and situations where based to make him feel as a person of low self esteem. He had always won in all the situations may it be usage of pleasantly verbiage, or just portraying the power of stronger sex. But he failed to understand why all of a sudden wind has changed its path. And the power of denial and acceptance was no more in his ambit. It was all dark and he was shattering through the house to look for her, there he finds Shweta hiding in the closet. He calmly treaded to her and said it’s your turn now I am the thief and you are the cop. And then he took out his gun, aimed at her head.

This post marks as a century to me..................

The Umbrella

She was soaked in water and the rain drank her tears. She was waiting for something magical to happen. She then felt the way she was protected with the company of the lost. She was melted with the thought, what her mother would offer her. you lost it the 2nd time in this rainy season.

Fidelity

The tinsel town of Mumbai can offer you more of mental room than physical space. That’s the paradoxical situation for people who stay in Mumbai. Ashok was born to Pandurang and Shevanta bai the only child who could lead the legacy of Jadhav family after the fatal blow of 4 sisters in the year 1981 the year of glories the cotton business was flourishing and had captivated more than 25% of people staying in Mumbai. A lot of them being emigrant from diverse parts of Maharashtra, mostly from them from the coastal area of Konkan. These migrations had happened over a period of 3 decades and some families had two generation staying together already. They were allotted housing these housing were small two room apartment with a common balcony and toilet. The common balcony offered a glimpse of each family its members their shades, agony, worries, distress, grief it was a colorful place with all colors of human emotion. Ashok grew with all the luxuries his mom and dad could offer and afford he was person with a baton in hand to move the legacy he was to be respected and taken care of for the Jadhav family sake.


Ashok grew up to be pampered child and as a theory, he was wasted to the core as the only one to the heart of his parents. Ashok grew old but the parental guidance was stiff enough to waste him out. He studied in the best of the college in town. He graduated without any hustles, in that sense making his parents proud. The family went through eddies, but not that fatal blows that they can’t sustain in Mumbai. Finally Ashok had acquired a job and from then he was certainly an eligible candidate to be subject to the ritual a bachelor and most importantly the family awaits for. Sheela was the companion chosen by him and his parents. Sheela was a tanned beauty and had a holistic feature that can hook on Ashok. They started living with the family and started occupying the small habitat, but in few months they realized that the small habitat deprived them of the large privacy they need to fructify their marriage. They both had discussed about it but financial constraints didn’t allow them to take that herculean step to gain the much desired privacy.

Ashok was thoroughly depressed and expressed this depression to one of his friend Lalit. Lalit suggested him a place where he can satisfy his quest. Ashok initially declined to be in such a place, but as the time passed by he saw this thought marinating in him. Finally one day he decided to be there. Ashok was so unfortunate for that specific day; the place was raided by the cops. Everyone present in this place was arrested and taken to the police station.

At the police station men and women where asked to stand in different rows facing each other. Ashok and Sheela saw each other standing with a blank face.

Dear readers I leave it to you to decide of what could be the possible situation.

Insane is Sane

Being insane is most sane, it was always been the same way. People and friend who are successful have insanely followed their dreams. I somehow lost though of my insanity and thus was going crazy. Now i am back to the insanity but in the most anonymous manner. Though the fear of people indentifying your thought, and making a perception is much fatal. One should be insane about the sanest thing in your life, it can be a person of an object of desire. Every Genius is with a touch of madness, I don’t claim the term Genius here but I might just make my way through it. The road is to be enjoyed than the desire to reaching a destination. The destination passes by and you just don’t realize it. it’s a constant flux. Every second a destination changes and thus the journey never ends. Follow the insanity. Sanity might fall for you........Be Insane to be sane.

Purely coincidental as it may seem

Purely coincidental as it seems
Incidences are not just they seem
Nothing just happens
Everything that happens has a reason
And therefore…..I am alive too
Purely coincidental as it may seem

Broken hearts and tears around
Note the coincidence that surrounds
If you cannot face the pain
Your old self....You'll never regain!
You might blame it on the game
But if you don’t learn...the incident might happen again
Purely coincidental as it may seem

I remember the time I met her,
I remember the eyes that looked into mine!
But the thought of coincidence, my heart refrain,
And now with wounded heart my eyes rain...
Don't blame it on just happening things
Life is not coincidence as it may seem.

Should or should not.

It was after a lot of efforts she decided to get into it. A women i her probably forced her to take that herculean step. Its always difficult for her (women) to get into it may be the thought of it is quite fascinating. That decision of hers would get things moving and would force her for a dedicated action of the rest of her life. She surpasses the alley of depression if she was ready for it or she could handle and manage it. It’s always difficult for a women to take such a step by intention or an accident she has to suffer it carry it and take care of it all through the life. She is tested positive

An Actress

She moved up to the staircase one step after another unfolding the lost episodes of her life. Probably everything around her would have been merry if she could have stepped on those specific stairs and got back the miraculous life. But that wasn't the situation she was just pulling off some unwanted steps of her life. Some of them being the most heinous one's so grave and fatal they managed to shatter and hurt her spirit. Her life was always glorious with beautiful people around her, and this was something that was apparent.

Inside her she was still sacred of her steps ad pulling off life. Day on day she got more and more restless of her motive less life. She got herself engrossed in the motion picture life where the film reel would run much faster than the colossal picture of sadness which appeared before her. But she knew she had over come on day the mental block she possessed manicured it for a very long time to breed sky length discomfort and unhappiness for her. As an actress she was bold and out going, she did all the justice to her job and may be that was the tipping point for her survival.

When alone in her plush apartment in Oceanic glance on the 22nd floor, she would penetrate right through the sea, and kept staring at the sea as if on a voyage to reach some place across the oceans where she can restart and restructure her life based on the hard hitting experience life has fabricated upon her. The she was dragged back to reality when she would regain conscious as fast as flash of light and as a rubber band. She would mostly indulge in reading love stories and their happy endings would make unhappy, and leave her with an unattainable desire of a faultless collaborator, on whom she would rely and base her life.

She was back home from the premier and confidently threw herself on the couch one more to the list she said to herself, filling up the elegant glass of wine. A red wine she loved it, the color was that of love. According to her if a fine heart is preserved and crushed it would look like a red wine. She firmly believed it was her heart that was crushed in the glass of wine. She carefully took a sip as if feeling her heart pass through the lips reaching deep in her touching every part of her body and putting it on blaze. It was her heart that made the difference than the price of the wine. She glazed at the wall of achievements all awards she had received till date. Scanning each one of them she felt nothing, she cluelessly watched them as a child does in the initial phases of his life. As if they mend nothing for her.

It was one such sudden incidence that brought her to levels the levels that made her feel really low. She never pondered over the incidence that had happened to her. She went so low with it that it was taking her such long to get over the monstrous phase of her life. Sometimes in life you don't know why you are unhappy for you are just unhappy and the tempo of unhappiness is not know and cannot be measured. As being in the glamour profession she has ensured she mastered the skill of staying physically fit and gorgeous in appearance. At the end of the day she was best in this aspect of her life. The success was always on a friendlier note with her, she has casted a magic over him, he literally followed her to most in fact the entire place, except to
the places where her heart was attached to. Now success seems to be a manipulative and biased in nature. It always played barter with her giving her more success and depriving her from happiness.

To be continued………..

Taste and realization

A thought keeps lingering in my mind, and often leaves me with a discomfort of not having had acquired the position and the pleasure or material things. As human I crave for them, and just as rightly said the desire is the cause. The desire to acquire and hold possession is so strong that I succumb to the drift and I am dragged to the horrifying experience. Every time I come across such thing I am encircled in this vicious circle of why I don’t have and when will I have it. Being content is like attaining nirvana in today’s life. When I know I can’t get an Omega for myself, which my boss has and I envy him, but I fail to recognize the fact and the immense amount of background efforts that might have gone behind it. Now that really puzzles me is, should I fight or I shouldn’t. I want it and i know to crave for it is wrong. So do I stop and feel happy with my Fast track. I think the idea is to wait and watch. Efforts should be seamless in any aspect of your life. There again I come to the most favorite topic the "relationship" while showcasing most of the emotions that I have portrayed on my blog (for which most of them are sad, according to my dear reader and I completely agree to them) I have realized the fact that the most I cry and crib for something extra-terrestrial to happen, it actually becomes extra-terrestrial. The sadness comes when there is no effort put in (in all aspects of life). Haven’t I put an effort, yes I have had but just some of the trees take a duration to yield a fruit and some are instant, maybe I am watering the wrong emotions and the yield is taking sometime. I think the cornflakes are getting a little salty; I need to stop putting that fluid to make it test better. I shall preserve this fluid for the destined area. "I shall not piss on good things or anything that comes to my life and even if I had did pissed already, I shall happily face it"

One last time

It was completely a coherent decision which I have taken; no matter what my heart says I have decided to marry him. It’s was difficult for her to stand against the strong tide and drift towards Abhilash. It’s almost a year now since me and Abhilash has decided to part our ways. But today I can’t stop myself. May it be a moment of sin, or a memory of lifetime? I owe my life to you. I love you Abhilash, she said gently in his ears and he curled her in his arms just one last time.

What a lovely end...

what an end to the weekend, I am siting here with my dad with a mug of a beer in our hands and discussing the future. I really like this moment, the moment of peace, the scare free moment. His advices of effectively resolving problems in the most difficult situations, inspire me and i get the needed josh. He is always inspiring and standing tall behind me, when i need the required support. As always i call him Daddu Tum. Thanks Daddu please be there, i need you in this time and forever in my life. I think I am getting too emotional. All being said i am really happy for being attached with my family in such a way. Well that gives me an idea of writing about the people who are of utmost importance in my life. My friends, my parents, my guides. More than that i am happy that the evening is ending in such a way. All set to face the monstrous Monday.

Icraus

Icraus sat on the edge of Anjean the highest cliff facing the city. Watching the boundless sky, the winds shrilling in his ears, with the dream in his eye that one day he will fly. He would then converse with the wind and scream to the sky. Ever since a child the idea to fly farmed in his tender mind, and grew brawny in him. The barbarian thought forced him to jump of the bed and every possible place where he reached. The wounds gave him the wisdom that his bare thought won’t help him fly. He grew older, eager and restless with his thoughts. All this was noticed by Margareta. She observed him from the day she has learned the art of appreciating a person of an opposite gender. It was something about Icraus compared to his other peers that attracted her, may be his madness to acquire something unfeasible. Margareta thought the passion he would deliver if he would be that crazy for her. Also she was very much in reach; he could touch and feel her.

Margareta always followed Icraus to Anjean, where he spent most of his evenings. She would always reveal her enthrallment by offering him a touch. A touch that would depict her love, a touch that would yell and force a man to demonstrate his masculine supremacy. But Icraus was unmoved by the most powerful force which would drive a man. Margareta knew what Icraus craved for and she often tendered him with words of grace, and enhanced his desire.

As he grew older he started structuring his dreams, and margarita partnered him in the unattainable dream. He saw the birds and an idea struck his mind. He made a vigilant and telescopic look at them and studied their behavior. He then planned to collect the wings of birds. Margareta helped him. She started worrying more for him, because she knew of his dream. She stared his efforts in the most forceful way she could.

One such evening Icraus was tired and his thoughts left him to be with Margareta. It was on that day he noticed for the first time how distinct and attractive Margareta was, her curly hair and black outlined eyebrows. Her lips just as roses her curly hairs so enthralling that he could engulfed his life in them. He perceived that every facet of her body has something so divine and pious. He couldn’t stop himself from being getting engrossed in her splendor, that evening when he was engrafted in her butter soft arms he could actually feel them as soft as wings. That evening two different human beings merged as one celestial soul. Margareta had almost accomplished and acquired the territory that she always wanted to own. That night was the night of triumph for her.

After few weeks the love and fascination for Margareta was more than she ever could have projected, but her dreams were accomplished she had pull off what she had to. She was shocked but she had to believe because her trance was always to get the person of her dreams. She was happy for the fact that Icraus was almost on the verge of forgetting his dream. She was almost on the verge of viewing her life with Icraus till the time she and Icraus would cultivate old. But she wasn’t aware that Icraus was still setting up a plot to attain his dream.

On the dreadful day Margareta was fully dressed and equipped which would demonstrate her most beautiful self. She arrived at Anjean and couldn’t see Icraus any where around. She was worried what could have happened to him. There was a cave like opening on Anjean she entered that space and could listen to the blow of the wind slicing by her arms. A moment later she realized she was armless lying in the caves of Anjean. Icraus was employed with the wings of the birds he had gathered after slaughtering. In addition to the butter soft wings of Margareta. She heard Icraus fixing things along with her arms. He assembled everything and jumped off the cliff. Margareta could feel that she was flying in the air, and she saw Icraus flying next to her. And both kept flying with each other till the eternity.

Cheated

I am a person of mistakes and mistakenly I don’t learn from my mistakes. What a mistaken statement I need a psychiatrist is what I keep on telling myself when I analyze the facts of the life versus my standing. Too low for a standing in life. When I look for the consequential theory of why my life is moving low.

This is the story from one of my group blogs Fanatic Psyche ...........it seems it was dead there thought of getting it back to life.

Like a person who digs up a grave to make a zombie, I have dug in my own grave and made a zombie out of me. Everyone digs in the past life the dark side. Association with the pain is the passion, and with that passion I am surviving. I have ghastly relationship this term named “Love”.

I always cursed myself for being a complete looser with Love. I was once termed as a play boy. Someone who cannot live without women a complete womanizer. Some of my best friends are girls. For a fact I am happy I don’t swing the other way. I am still attracted to women. There is something in them, it’s like you are working in a honey farm and likes to be stung. The feeling of working in a fire works factory and bursting a cracker with the same excitement.

I like it that way. So here is my Story. I have had over 3 relations in the last 2 years. All of them left me. Why? May be because I am not too good for them, may be because I am not worth it, may be because I pampered them too much or may be because I am a little too possessive. Now again the definition of possessiveness is something which is different for me. For me tightening the leash when required is important. For me telling your partner that I exist is important. For me telling the person you are the only is important. Is this asking for too much? I am sure you must be thinking, “The perfect guy to live with!” may be they had different plans.

Anyways so here I am, having a lovely affair with my love. I am holding her in my arms and looking at the hot day end to a beautiful starry night. The beautiful moon, the cold wind and the very feeling of being close to the loved one. I am enjoying it. 6 months and still going. Every day is like a new beginning, every kiss is like the first kiss, every sigh is like the feeling of being complete. It’s just too good. I am sipping on the wine and thinking whether to ask her to marry me as she is just the right one for me. So I plan it.

I ask her to meet me at the Mirage the next day at around 7pm. I call the hotel and book a presidential suite. I crunch every expense to buy her a ring which enhances her beauty. I get her favorite must burnt on a CD and make arrangements for the best wine available. I get champagne ready and flowers. Off course no date is complete without flowers. It is the second most beautiful thing on earth. The first one is my love off course.

I still remember the 1st time I meet her. We had met through the most imprudent way of communication “Internet”. It was a week of the verbiage exchange and we decided to catch up at Barista. I was worried and was anticipating the fact will she like me? Will she be comfortable with me? Will she like the way I look at her? And countless questions like these. The very fact of disliking forced me in writing a story on my cell phone. Then she opened the door and like the wild storm entered my life. She was smile, she was sunshine, she was star, she was moon, she was the river, she was the lovely breeze, she was the passionate touch. She was the storm full of life which had sparked my life.

She walks in and is excited as though she knows what’s on my mind and gives me the longest hug on earth. I can still feel her heart beating next to mine. She kisses me and I make her sit. She’s holding my hand and says, “So honey you finally realize what I have been waiting for. It’s like a dream come true. Oh god! This has been the best day in my life.” Suddenly I realize things can certainly change and yes there is love for sure.

I smile with a twinkle in my eye and say, “baby I’ve got a gift for you.” She says, “me too!” it was a moment when I felt she could read my mind and it was not only me but she had plans for us. For a moment the “I” and “you” factor dissolved and I could see “we”. I reach my pocket and she reaches her handbag. She takes out an envelope and says I’ve got it honey, I finally got promoted to the level I have always strived for and I shall be moving to Bangalore office very soon. I put the ring back in my pocket and though I had tears in my eyes I smiled and showered my happiness. After all seeing your love happy and taking part in her happiness is the most important part of any relation. So there she goes. She spends most of her left over time with me and I still haven’t asked her to marry me.

So here we are at the airport and I see her happier than ever. Somehow I couldn’t stop myself, though no fancy arrangement and no music and no silence I popped in the question, “Darling, we’ve spent almost 7 months of awesome time and I am somehow getting used to you. I love the way I feel when we’re together. I love your eyes, people say they are small but for me they are full of passion the spark which enhances me every time I look at you, I love your fingers long pointing, I love when you speak with the modulated voice. You know honey above all it’s just about you being around, and that’s what matters the most. We’re so free. Hence I would like to ask you, will you be there to free me for the rest of our lives?” she walks away.

I am hurt and devastated. I should’ve seen it coming I mean it was too early. How could I ignore it? The phone rings it’s her. She apologizes and says, “Darling I am here in Bangalore and I would be back in a year if you can wait.” I found my life back. The assurance was the only thing I needed. I think it was just assurance which had helped me survive. I used to call her everyday. In fact we used to speak for at least three times in a day.

Three times in a day reduced to two times in a week, then to once in a week and then to once in fifteen days. I waited for her to come back and then the time approaches. Just a month left for her to come back. I call her and she ignores my phone calls, then I call again and no one answers. I call her in the night and her phone is busy and that kept on happening……………

My dreams shattered, my hopes crushed and my visions faded. That’s what I felt. A pain so deep that I could not see it coming. A pain so deep that…....

Come Back

Times gone by will never lie

Till date i ask the question why

Why did i think you were wrong

The decision i took was not strong

I am pulled by the memories

And pulled by every moment that has passed

The quest of you being around has surpassed

The negativity is dead

Every moment of pain, anguish, frustration

Leads to a happy realisation

Yes I crave for you

I need you back again

I need you

I really do

Almighty need your Mercy

Why do we react and how do we react signifies our personality. Personalities are divided in various forms and type depending upon the reflexes. However the same can be broken down based on the psychological inference. Though the fact remains unshaken and the personality traits are very much defined. But so as to carve my emotions in words I have found an exception. There is an exception that I am facing in life at this point in time. The tremor is actually wowing me upside down. This person is exception to the kind I have met till date in my life. People around me had warned and has lighted my path with there words full of wisdom. But I wanted to try the other way-out and I gave that exception a chance to get over me and start harassing me, making my life hell. The best part is that this gender I suppose is to be the most soft, smooth, understanding. This gender has for centuries played a vital role of being the most emphatic being in this cruel world yes she is a women. Forgive me if you felt like I am gender biased. I am just explaining how good my exception stands and proves that she is an exception. When she commits a mistake I often see a smiley on her email. I am person of mistake; everything I do is nothing but a grave mistake. At times I think I might be right at least by error, and not by the prudent effort that I have put in. How can one be wrong in everything, this fact is completely unaccepted and the same imprudent fact rules me for this part of my painful tenure. Anything discussed casually is also marked as “As discussed kindly do the needful”. Why putting everything on record when you would know that you aren’t doing anything wrong. I think the person is just too scared about something that would go wrong against him/her, I really doubt if that person had did anything true and worthwhile in her life. God please do something worthwhile for this person. Please her forget her work, help her not write emails at 4 O clock in the morning, 11 o clock in the night. Please give her life of her own lfe.God please help her to get out of this vicious workholic circle. I am not a saint to forgive her, God please help me and save me from her.

Un-conveyed

Sheetal was devised as a cupid by her, to convey her love to Nishant. But she plotted it with a lustrous touch by luring Nishant with an option of new relationship. When the fact was unveiled Nishant ferociously disowned her and the love she had. The only wish left un-conveyed by her was a birthday greeting for which she designed the plot.

Let the journey begin.....

I am on a crossroad
Which way to take
Should I go straight?
Or to take a turn
Which way would lead
The road to glories of life
And success of high skies
To the deep miseries
And pain standing by
Which way to take
Is the dispute
I wish to win
A hought of failure I refute
I need the radiance
Come hold me and lead me
I need you besides me
Through the miseries and agonies of life
Come let’s walk our way
Let the journey begin.